1 00:00:05,909 --> 00:00:07,769 Previously on "Resident Alien"... 2 00:00:07,854 --> 00:00:09,894 I think this alien's here to kill everybody. 3 00:00:09,987 --> 00:00:13,262 You will help me find my device. 4 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,279 That's on the glacier. You can't go there. 5 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,645 Harry, don't go! It's too dangerous. 6 00:00:17,730 --> 00:00:19,910 - Not for me. - Harry! 7 00:00:19,995 --> 00:00:21,026 You have kids? 8 00:00:21,111 --> 00:00:22,376 We have a little boy named Max. 9 00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:23,433 Max. 10 00:00:23,518 --> 00:00:25,175 You should take my number. Call anytime. 11 00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:28,303 When I find my device, I can finally kill them all. 12 00:00:28,388 --> 00:00:31,130 - Harry! - Don't move. 13 00:00:33,858 --> 00:00:36,821 I am what your people call an extraterrestrial. 14 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:37,997 Oh. 15 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,246 - An alien. - Oh, I feel nauseous. 16 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,543 You earn respect through your actions, Deputy. 17 00:00:42,628 --> 00:00:43,965 Did you make your own murder board? 18 00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:45,981 Toxicology results. Sam was poisoned. 19 00:00:46,066 --> 00:00:48,115 You don't respect me, and you never have. 20 00:00:48,199 --> 00:00:49,722 I quit! 21 00:00:49,905 --> 00:00:52,508 I'm not quitting. I'm gonna get us out of here. 22 00:00:54,117 --> 00:00:55,818 - Tell me how to help you. - My leg. 23 00:00:55,902 --> 00:00:59,213 I will die if you don't chop it off. 24 00:00:59,297 --> 00:01:01,737 Okay, look at me. I won't let you die. 25 00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:04,696 Aah! 26 00:01:06,304 --> 00:01:08,004 Do my feet look like watermelons? 27 00:01:08,088 --> 00:01:09,397 'Cause they feel like it. 28 00:01:09,481 --> 00:01:11,138 The sexiest watermelons 29 00:01:11,222 --> 00:01:12,530 I've ever seen. 30 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:16,273 Still so much to do before"Jack" or "Joanie" comes. 31 00:01:16,357 --> 00:01:19,233 We need crib sheets and burp cloths. 32 00:01:19,317 --> 00:01:21,148 Couples massage. 33 00:01:21,232 --> 00:01:24,238 So where do we stand 34 00:01:24,322 --> 00:01:26,283 on baby food? 35 00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:29,373 Jarred or homemade? 36 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,853 I don't know. I read somewhere homemade 37 00:01:30,937 --> 00:01:33,377 doesn't keep as well. A little too lumpy. 38 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,466 Plus, I've tried baby applesauce, 39 00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:37,599 and it's freakin' delicious. 40 00:01:41,426 --> 00:01:43,431 What's happening? 41 00:01:48,302 --> 00:01:50,478 I don't know. 42 00:01:56,963 --> 00:01:59,357 Oh, my God. 43 00:02:04,144 --> 00:02:06,625 Honey! 44 00:02:11,325 --> 00:02:15,329 Oh. Honey, the baby. 45 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,903 Uh, uh... 46 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:23,946 Okay. 47 00:02:38,836 --> 00:02:40,882 You saw that, right? 48 00:03:03,190 --> 00:03:04,629 I'm dead. 49 00:03:04,812 --> 00:03:08,310 But if I'm dead, why do I feel so warm and squishy 50 00:03:08,395 --> 00:03:10,269 like I'm being hugged by a cloud? 51 00:03:10,384 --> 00:03:11,693 Oh, no. 52 00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:13,651 This must be the afterlife. 53 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,437 I'm in human heaven. 54 00:03:16,521 --> 00:03:18,472 It makes me want to kill myself. 55 00:03:18,557 --> 00:03:21,389 I see the morphine is still working. 56 00:03:21,474 --> 00:03:23,348 What are you doing here? 57 00:03:23,433 --> 00:03:25,786 Why does the afterlife 58 00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:28,747 look like a crappy cabin? 59 00:03:28,832 --> 00:03:30,141 Are you dead too? 60 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,035 I didn't want to leave you alone 61 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,581 after what you'd been through. Come on. 62 00:03:34,666 --> 00:03:37,284 You need to eat just so you can get your strength back. 63 00:03:39,413 --> 00:03:41,546 Mmm. 64 00:03:45,254 --> 00:03:48,997 Now I know why you have 17 gallons of milk in your fridge. 65 00:03:50,765 --> 00:03:53,158 Okay, I need to change your dressing. 66 00:03:54,225 --> 00:03:57,694 Um, I think we should, you know, 67 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,175 try to avoid suspicion. 68 00:03:59,259 --> 00:04:01,613 So I started looking into getting you a prosthetic. 69 00:04:01,698 --> 00:04:05,224 I know... what the freakin' hell is that? 70 00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:07,444 That is my leg. 71 00:04:07,528 --> 00:04:09,400 It's regenerating. 72 00:04:10,444 --> 00:04:11,492 How is that even possible? 73 00:04:11,576 --> 00:04:13,494 My people are descendants 74 00:04:13,578 --> 00:04:15,713 of octopuses. 75 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,759 Soon it will grow longer, 76 00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:21,502 and then I will transformthe molecules into human shape. 77 00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:24,635 So you're telling me eventually that thing 78 00:04:24,719 --> 00:04:27,769 - will look like that one? - Yes. 79 00:04:27,853 --> 00:04:30,859 Except for the moleand the hangnail. 80 00:04:30,943 --> 00:04:34,558 I chewed my toenaildown too low. 81 00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:38,429 You can go now. 82 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,519 Excuse me? 83 00:04:42,694 --> 00:04:44,873 I stayed up all night. 84 00:04:44,957 --> 00:04:46,788 I got supplies. I dressed your wounds. 85 00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:48,529 I cleaned you up, and this is how you thank me? 86 00:04:48,613 --> 00:04:50,357 I didn't ask you to stay. 87 00:04:50,441 --> 00:04:52,489 Well, I did 88 00:04:52,573 --> 00:04:54,578 'cause that's what humans do. 89 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,711 They take care of one another. 90 00:04:56,795 --> 00:04:59,061 You know, when some... I'm sorry, 91 00:04:59,145 --> 00:05:00,628 I can't take you seriously with that thing. 92 00:05:00,712 --> 00:05:02,888 - What is wrong with it? - It's perfectly normal. 93 00:05:03,315 --> 00:05:04,841 Jesus, can you just 94 00:05:05,026 --> 00:05:07,205 put a sock on it? 95 00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:08,852 It likes the fresh air. 96 00:05:08,937 --> 00:05:11,595 - Also, it's not a thing. - It is a leg. 97 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,812 You are leg-shaming me. 98 00:05:17,343 --> 00:05:19,171 Be careful with that. 99 00:05:19,644 --> 00:05:21,736 - No. - Please be careful. 100 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,434 Do not press the black button. 101 00:05:24,518 --> 00:05:28,003 I'm not ready to radiomy people yet. 102 00:05:28,087 --> 00:05:29,918 This black button? 103 00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:32,700 Asta. 104 00:05:33,841 --> 00:05:35,774 - Say thank you. - Thank you. 105 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:42,493 - Oh! - Thank you. 106 00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:51,110 You're welcome. 107 00:05:53,678 --> 00:05:55,509 Please do not move. 108 00:05:55,593 --> 00:05:57,598 I'm going to work, and I'll be back later. 109 00:05:57,682 --> 00:05:59,513 If all goes as planned, 110 00:05:59,597 --> 00:06:02,472 there won't be a "later." 111 00:06:02,556 --> 00:06:05,649 Yes. Later. 112 00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:22,126 Shit! 113 00:06:31,063 --> 00:06:32,589 I knew it. 114 00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:34,740 Why are you ignoring my calls? 115 00:06:35,894 --> 00:06:38,421 Um, I'm sorry. 116 00:06:38,505 --> 00:06:41,337 - I've just been so busy. - Ooh. 117 00:06:41,421 --> 00:06:44,166 'Cause last night, you sent me inside to get help, 118 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,560 and when I came back out, you and Harry were gone, so... 119 00:06:46,644 --> 00:06:48,562 - - Yeah, uh, sorry. - Harry was in bad shape. 120 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:50,564 And I realizedwe didn't have an MRI machine. 121 00:06:50,648 --> 00:06:52,606 So I took him to the hospitalin Braddock. 122 00:06:54,173 --> 00:06:55,609 What? 123 00:06:57,176 --> 00:07:00,356 I know you too well. You're lying. 124 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,967 I am not. 125 00:07:03,051 --> 00:07:05,535 Yeah, you are. You have a tell. 126 00:07:05,619 --> 00:07:07,015 Oh, really? What's my tell? 127 00:07:07,099 --> 00:07:08,886 Well, I can't tell you because then you'd know 128 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,671 what the tell is and you'd hide the tell from me, 129 00:07:10,755 --> 00:07:12,673 and I wouldn't be able to tell. It's like... 130 00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:14,283 Wow, you ever thought about working for the CIA? 131 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,372 Yeah, actually, I'm waiting to hear back. 132 00:07:16,456 --> 00:07:18,374 Hey, Asta. 133 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:21,377 The doctor had me call Braddock to follow up on Harry's MRI. 134 00:07:21,461 --> 00:07:23,597 But they have no record of it. 135 00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:27,209 That's a mistake. So I'll take care of it. 136 00:07:27,293 --> 00:07:28,689 Thank you. 137 00:07:30,731 --> 00:07:32,385 Why is she staring at you like that? 138 00:07:34,343 --> 00:07:35,478 What did you do? 139 00:07:35,562 --> 00:07:36,958 Don't you have better things to do, Ellen? 140 00:07:37,042 --> 00:07:38,612 Maybe unpack the shipment of catheters 141 00:07:38,696 --> 00:07:39,830 that came in this morning? 142 00:07:39,914 --> 00:07:41,873 Oh, right. The fun stuff. 143 00:07:46,529 --> 00:07:48,401 Got my eye on you, Twelvetrees. 144 00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:01,678 - The power source is damaged. 145 00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:04,289 Built to provide energy for 5,000 years 146 00:08:04,373 --> 00:08:06,161 but apparently not built to withstand 147 00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:08,464 an unprotected fall into a crevasse. 148 00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:11,427 Certain alien races implant tiny transmitters 149 00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:14,082 into human beings to monitor their activity. 150 00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,866 If I can find one of those, 151 00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:18,216 I can reverse engineer it to reboot my device. 152 00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:30,446 Aah! Mmm. 153 00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:31,621 Yeah. 154 00:08:33,707 --> 00:08:35,669 I heard you fell down a crevasse. 155 00:08:35,753 --> 00:08:37,627 Did you find your radio? 156 00:08:37,711 --> 00:08:40,587 My radio is broken. 157 00:08:40,671 --> 00:08:41,762 I'm trying to fix it. 158 00:08:41,846 --> 00:08:43,851 Well, maybe I can help. 159 00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:46,462 - Ah... - Is this it? 160 00:08:46,546 --> 00:08:48,769 Don't touch that. 161 00:08:48,853 --> 00:08:51,598 You need... 162 00:08:51,682 --> 00:08:53,425 To leave. 163 00:08:53,509 --> 00:08:55,860 At least you're okay. 164 00:08:57,426 --> 00:08:59,344 If Asta wasn't there, 165 00:08:59,428 --> 00:09:00,998 I would be dead. 166 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,740 Except now she knows the truth about me. 167 00:09:03,824 --> 00:09:05,263 You told her?! 168 00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:08,005 I thought this whole alien thing was just our secret. 169 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,051 It stopped being a secret 170 00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:13,532 when you told your little friend over there 171 00:09:13,616 --> 00:09:14,969 in the head covering. 172 00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:16,797 She must have followed me. Don't worry. 173 00:09:16,881 --> 00:09:19,495 She's not gonna tell anyone. 174 00:09:19,579 --> 00:09:21,671 She swore to Allah. 175 00:09:21,755 --> 00:09:23,499 Allah knows?! 176 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:25,411 How many people have you told? 177 00:09:29,676 --> 00:09:31,507 Are you trying to cut me out? 178 00:09:31,591 --> 00:09:33,814 'Cause if it wasn't for me, you'd be in Georgia by now. 179 00:09:33,898 --> 00:09:36,686 I made this truce happen. I want in. 180 00:09:36,770 --> 00:09:38,035 You are so pushy. 181 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,777 Oh, looks like aliens 182 00:09:40,861 --> 00:09:43,342 are also put off by strong women. 183 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,519 Get used to it. We're not going anywhere. 184 00:09:49,087 --> 00:09:50,439 What are you hiding under there? 185 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:52,484 I covered it for a reason. 186 00:09:52,568 --> 00:09:54,791 It's his radio so he can contact his people. 187 00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:56,663 But it's broken. So he's trying to fix it. 188 00:09:58,096 --> 00:09:59,970 Why can't you just go home on your spaceship? 189 00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:05,759 They took it, didn't they? 190 00:10:05,843 --> 00:10:07,543 How did you know that? 191 00:10:07,627 --> 00:10:10,677 Must be the government. That means they're after you. 192 00:10:10,761 --> 00:10:12,591 It could be any of the agencies. 193 00:10:12,675 --> 00:10:15,029 But it's probably "Men in Black." 194 00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:17,074 It's a top-secret agency 195 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,903 that monitors alien activity on Earth. 196 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,905 But they don't always wear black, 197 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,469 and they're not only men. 198 00:10:24,949 --> 00:10:28,172 Then why do they call them "Men in Black"? 199 00:10:28,256 --> 00:10:30,044 Because it's cooler than calling them 200 00:10:30,128 --> 00:10:31,828 "People in Clothes." 201 00:10:31,912 --> 00:10:34,396 It's pretty obvious. 202 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,572 I'm not worried. 203 00:10:36,656 --> 00:10:41,359 Once I fix my radio, 204 00:10:41,443 --> 00:10:43,057 they won't be a problem. 205 00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:44,319 I'm just missing a part. 206 00:10:44,403 --> 00:10:45,886 Have you tried the hardware store? 207 00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:47,322 They have everything. 208 00:10:47,406 --> 00:10:50,191 My dad even bought a pair of pajamas there. 209 00:10:51,062 --> 00:10:53,894 Unless you know someone who has been in contact 210 00:10:53,978 --> 00:10:55,069 with other aliens, then I'm... 211 00:10:55,153 --> 00:10:58,072 What is the expression? 212 00:10:58,156 --> 00:11:01,423 "Shit out of luck." 213 00:11:01,507 --> 00:11:03,904 If you don't stop using that kind of language around us, 214 00:11:03,988 --> 00:11:05,906 we're gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap. 215 00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,211 Go ahead. I like soap. 216 00:11:07,295 --> 00:11:09,039 I eat it all the time. 217 00:11:09,123 --> 00:11:11,781 Shit, ass, piss, dink. 218 00:11:11,865 --> 00:11:13,954 Where is the soap? I'm so hungry. 219 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,525 Wait, I know where you can go to find alien stuff. 220 00:11:23,703 --> 00:11:25,270 Oh. 221 00:11:31,145 --> 00:11:32,976 Hey! Where are you going? 222 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,804 I need to go pick up 223 00:11:34,888 --> 00:11:37,546 a missing piece for my radio. 224 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,808 No. 225 00:11:38,892 --> 00:11:41,855 You are not driving with one leg. 226 00:11:41,939 --> 00:11:43,900 Whoa! 227 00:11:43,984 --> 00:11:45,641 Your leg grew back. 228 00:11:45,725 --> 00:11:47,596 Just like I said it would. 229 00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:52,256 Now I have got to go. 230 00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:53,431 Okay. 231 00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:55,912 Even as a pretend doctor, you have to know 232 00:11:55,996 --> 00:11:57,827 that the medication still stays in your system. 233 00:11:57,911 --> 00:12:00,871 I just took more. I'll be fine. 234 00:12:05,571 --> 00:12:07,663 Which one is my truck? 235 00:12:07,747 --> 00:12:09,360 Okay. 236 00:12:09,444 --> 00:12:11,536 Give me these. 237 00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:13,669 I will drive you. 238 00:12:13,753 --> 00:12:15,886 Where are we going? 239 00:12:16,321 --> 00:12:18,239 Wow. We're really gonna do this. 240 00:12:23,763 --> 00:12:25,286 Are they supposed to be me? 241 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,290 My people are not a costume. 242 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,424 Welcome to my life. 243 00:12:35,557 --> 00:12:38,343 Oh, this is gonna be fun. 244 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,356 Kind of cool that I'm here 245 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,112 with an actual alien. 246 00:12:50,197 --> 00:12:51,462 I feel special. 247 00:12:51,547 --> 00:12:54,379 You're not special. You're common. 248 00:12:54,794 --> 00:12:55,972 That's oddly less offensive now 249 00:12:56,056 --> 00:12:57,974 that I know you're from outer space. 250 00:12:59,407 --> 00:13:00,847 Here you go. 251 00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,065 Thank you. 252 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:06,461 Okay. So what now? 253 00:13:10,288 --> 00:13:12,467 Our ancestors had teachers. 254 00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:16,732 The engineering knowledge came from the extraterrestrials. 255 00:13:16,816 --> 00:13:18,516 Finally, a little credit. 256 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,605 I like this high-haired gentleman. 257 00:13:20,689 --> 00:13:23,173 ♪ He's told us not to blow it ♪ 258 00:13:23,257 --> 00:13:26,046 ♪ 'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile ♪ 259 00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:28,526 ♪ He told me let the children lose it ♪ 260 00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:30,789 The Moon landing was a sham. 261 00:13:30,873 --> 00:13:33,705 It was all filmed on a sound stage by Kubrick. 262 00:13:33,789 --> 00:13:36,360 The astronauts did land on the Moon. 263 00:13:36,444 --> 00:13:37,840 Good. 264 00:13:37,924 --> 00:13:40,799 And their bodies were taken over before they returned. 265 00:13:40,883 --> 00:13:42,323 What? 266 00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,891 And we find evidence of this all around the world. 267 00:13:44,975 --> 00:13:47,894 Mayans, everyone talks about their calendar, 268 00:13:47,978 --> 00:13:50,853 but they never gave credit for their day planner. 269 00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:53,769 - We have the Grays. - Insidious assholes. 270 00:13:53,853 --> 00:13:56,990 - The Arcturians. - Jerks, so cheap. 271 00:13:57,074 --> 00:13:58,426 Little Green Men. 272 00:13:58,510 --> 00:14:01,733 They are cute, but they so know it. 273 00:14:01,817 --> 00:14:03,997 - The Mantis. - One of them owes me money. 274 00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:08,218 And the Blue Avians. 275 00:14:08,302 --> 00:14:09,912 They're actually very nice. 276 00:14:22,273 --> 00:14:24,365 Well, don't you two look cozy? 277 00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:27,455 Hello, Sheriff. 278 00:14:27,539 --> 00:14:29,889 Do you have anything you want to say to me? 279 00:14:31,325 --> 00:14:32,764 Well, I don't know. 280 00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:34,546 Do you have anything you want to say to me? 281 00:14:36,113 --> 00:14:38,596 In that case, yes. 282 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,160 Have a good day. 283 00:14:40,856 --> 00:14:42,383 Goodbye, Lewis. I'll see you on Thursday. 284 00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:46,996 ♪ Walked out on over the plains ♪ 285 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,911 Thursday. 286 00:14:48,995 --> 00:14:50,434 What's Thursday? 287 00:14:50,518 --> 00:14:52,045 We're having lunch. 288 00:14:52,129 --> 00:14:54,177 She's sitting here probably trash-talking me, 289 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,789 and you buying her lunch? I see how it is. 290 00:14:57,873 --> 00:14:59,269 She didn't say anything. 291 00:14:59,353 --> 00:15:03,140 In fact, she mostly listened. You could use that. 292 00:15:04,184 --> 00:15:05,754 What is that supposed to mean? 293 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,844 Your relationship with Liv reminds me of me and your mom 294 00:15:08,928 --> 00:15:10,625 before she up and left me. 295 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,630 You mean when she died? 296 00:15:12,714 --> 00:15:14,719 I'll never forgive her for that. 297 00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:17,984 Your mother was sharp. She always challenged me. 298 00:15:18,068 --> 00:15:19,463 When I messed up, 299 00:15:19,547 --> 00:15:20,899 she wouldn't let me off the hook 300 00:15:20,983 --> 00:15:22,985 until I took steps to fix it. 301 00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:26,641 You might want to think about that one. 302 00:15:27,599 --> 00:15:29,256 Order me a burger. Be right back. 303 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:30,474 Oh. 304 00:15:30,558 --> 00:15:32,607 Hey, hey, hey. Dad, Dad. 305 00:15:32,691 --> 00:15:35,479 Hey, hey! It's okay to ask for help. 306 00:15:35,563 --> 00:15:37,177 Look who's talking. 307 00:15:47,227 --> 00:15:50,146 ♪ If you think what you got is enough ♪ 308 00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:52,105 ♪ Then God gonna call your bluff ♪ 309 00:15:52,189 --> 00:15:55,105 ♪ You got a long road ahead 310 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,024 ♪ Longer than you think 311 00:15:58,108 --> 00:16:00,588 ♪ A long road ahead 312 00:16:10,642 --> 00:16:12,516 Sam's toxicology results are in. 313 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,389 Botulinum Toxin A levels are through the roof. 314 00:16:15,473 --> 00:16:17,782 Sam was poisoned. 315 00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:20,481 Maybe with insulin as the method of delivery, 316 00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:23,919 all he or she would need to do is inject the toxin 317 00:16:24,003 --> 00:16:26,835 into a single insulin vial 318 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:29,922 and wait for Sam to use it. 319 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,757 ♪ Ooh 320 00:16:35,841 --> 00:16:39,108 Son of a bitch. 321 00:16:39,192 --> 00:16:41,284 ♪ Wake up in the morning 322 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:44,157 ♪ Rise and shine 323 00:16:44,241 --> 00:16:47,635 ♪ Wake up in the morning, rise and shine ♪ 324 00:16:49,289 --> 00:16:51,860 ♪ Wake up in the morning, rise and shine ♪ 325 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,731 Hey, Sheriff, have a seat. 326 00:16:53,815 --> 00:16:56,082 I'll be with you in about ten. 327 00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,953 Yeah, well, I ain't here on grooming business. 328 00:16:58,037 --> 00:17:00,608 I'm here on official sheriff's business. 329 00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,175 I see you do Botox injections. 330 00:17:02,259 --> 00:17:03,915 Yeah. 331 00:17:03,999 --> 00:17:06,962 You'll need about 20 units for that furrowed brow. 332 00:17:07,046 --> 00:17:08,224 Well, I got news for you. 333 00:17:08,308 --> 00:17:11,053 I like to furrow, and I like the lines. 334 00:17:11,137 --> 00:17:12,707 Abigail Hodges, you're under the arrest 335 00:17:12,791 --> 00:17:14,709 for the murder of Sam Hodges. 336 00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:16,189 What?! What are you talking about? 337 00:17:16,273 --> 00:17:17,494 I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 338 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,279 You see, I went through your phone records, 339 00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:20,715 and I found repeated calls, 340 00:17:20,799 --> 00:17:22,717 and I mean a shit ton of them, to one number. 341 00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:25,673 You know who it belonged to? Thomas Hoffman. 342 00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:27,896 Okay, fine. 343 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,376 We are casually seeing each other. 344 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:31,247 But are you gonna arrest me for having a social life? 345 00:17:31,331 --> 00:17:32,379 Can't a widow move on? 346 00:17:32,463 --> 00:17:33,815 Well, of course, a widow can move on. 347 00:17:33,899 --> 00:17:35,904 The only problem is those calls... 348 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,907 They started way before Sam died. 349 00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,691 You see, I think you wanted to get rid of Sam 350 00:17:40,775 --> 00:17:41,736 'cause you was having an affair. 351 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:42,911 That's motive. 352 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,695 Oh, now just hang on a second... 353 00:17:44,779 --> 00:17:46,219 All you needed was high levels of botulism, 354 00:17:46,303 --> 00:17:48,134 which you clearly had access to. 355 00:17:48,218 --> 00:17:50,005 Then you took that poison, and you put it 356 00:17:50,089 --> 00:17:51,398 in Sam's insulin bottle. And then from there, 357 00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:53,008 it was a ticking timebomb just waiting to go off. 358 00:17:53,092 --> 00:17:54,444 - No, just... - And it finally did. 359 00:17:54,528 --> 00:17:55,837 Turn around and put your hands behind your back. 360 00:17:55,921 --> 00:17:56,968 - Sheriff. - Turn around. 361 00:17:57,052 --> 00:17:58,492 You have the right to remain silent. 362 00:17:58,576 --> 00:17:59,841 Anything you say can and will be used 363 00:17:59,925 --> 00:18:01,234 against you in a court of law. 364 00:18:01,318 --> 00:18:02,974 You got the right to an attorney. 365 00:18:03,058 --> 00:18:04,454 If you cannot afford an attorney, 366 00:18:04,538 --> 00:18:06,804 I'd be surprised because this salon is bangin'. 367 00:18:06,888 --> 00:18:10,370 ♪ Ooh, ooh 368 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,162 What is it you're looking for 369 00:18:16,246 --> 00:18:18,251 at an alien experiencer panel? 370 00:18:18,335 --> 00:18:20,166 I'll know when I see it. 371 00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:33,222 Thank you. Hi, I'm Peter Bach. 372 00:18:33,306 --> 00:18:35,137 Most of you know me from my podcast 373 00:18:35,221 --> 00:18:37,270 as "The Alien Tracker." 374 00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:39,315 I have spent 15 years 375 00:18:39,399 --> 00:18:42,623 working at the Carl Sagan Center at SETI. 376 00:18:42,707 --> 00:18:44,407 I've been a government consultant. 377 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,975 And if you've read my books, you'll know I possess 378 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,847 a special skill set that makes aliens fear me. 379 00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:53,024 And, of course, I had my own encounter, 380 00:18:53,108 --> 00:18:56,027 which was, well, 381 00:18:56,111 --> 00:18:58,465 terrifying to say the least. 382 00:18:58,549 --> 00:19:00,597 So it's my honest belief 383 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:03,209 that aliens walk amongst us. 384 00:19:03,293 --> 00:19:05,994 And my mission has become to find aliens, 385 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,039 to trap them, 386 00:19:08,123 --> 00:19:10,343 and, well... 387 00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:17,310 One shot of this... 388 00:19:17,394 --> 00:19:20,571 10,000 volts, I can knock out an elephant. 389 00:19:22,616 --> 00:19:23,838 You okay? 390 00:19:23,922 --> 00:19:25,883 Yes. 391 00:19:25,967 --> 00:19:27,581 I'm not an elephant. 392 00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:30,497 I also found that talking about my encounter 393 00:19:30,581 --> 00:19:33,326 helped me feel a sense of control. 394 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:36,329 And I'd like you to think of this as a safe forum 395 00:19:36,413 --> 00:19:38,156 where you can do the same. 396 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,071 So please, come on up 397 00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:42,204 and share with the room 398 00:19:42,288 --> 00:19:44,032 with no judgment, 399 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,031 so we can all hear about your experiences. 400 00:19:48,425 --> 00:19:51,822 I was driving home late one night 401 00:19:51,906 --> 00:19:54,260 when this blue light 402 00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:56,523 beamed through the roof of my car. 403 00:19:56,607 --> 00:19:58,829 I woke with these triangular cuts... 404 00:19:58,913 --> 00:20:00,222 I was paralyzed. 405 00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:02,877 And lesions on my stomach and across my back. 406 00:20:02,961 --> 00:20:04,574 It was horrible. 407 00:20:04,658 --> 00:20:05,662 Um... 408 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,795 It's etched on my brain forever. 409 00:20:07,879 --> 00:20:11,146 They strapped me to this cold, 410 00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:13,540 hard metal surface. 411 00:20:13,624 --> 00:20:15,193 - They're monsters. - And... 412 00:20:15,277 --> 00:20:16,543 And they are here to kill us. 413 00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:20,329 Took this long tubular rod 414 00:20:20,413 --> 00:20:24,028 and they put it in... 415 00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:26,379 In my... 416 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,341 He was going to say his asshole. 417 00:20:32,425 --> 00:20:34,430 One night, a few months ago, 418 00:20:34,514 --> 00:20:37,825 my ex-husband and I were fighting, 419 00:20:37,909 --> 00:20:40,654 which is sort of a usual thing for us. 420 00:20:40,738 --> 00:20:42,569 Um... 421 00:20:42,653 --> 00:20:44,788 I finally decided I'd had enough, 422 00:20:44,872 --> 00:20:46,399 so I ran out, 423 00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:48,401 but I wasn't sure 424 00:20:48,485 --> 00:20:50,835 if I was doing the right thing. 425 00:20:52,358 --> 00:20:54,494 And then I saw it. 426 00:20:54,578 --> 00:20:58,628 It was a fire in the sky, 427 00:20:58,712 --> 00:21:00,543 like a guiding light. 428 00:21:02,499 --> 00:21:05,418 It gave me strength. 429 00:21:05,502 --> 00:21:07,507 Strength to move on and never look back. 430 00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:11,511 Months later, I came into contact 431 00:21:11,595 --> 00:21:14,905 with who I now know was the occupant of that UFO. 432 00:21:16,295 --> 00:21:17,778 Something about him 433 00:21:17,862 --> 00:21:20,955 made me feel safe 434 00:21:21,039 --> 00:21:23,476 and not alone. 435 00:21:24,346 --> 00:21:27,265 And I know that that's not what you all have experienced. 436 00:21:27,349 --> 00:21:29,442 But trust me, 437 00:21:29,526 --> 00:21:32,314 based on my encounter, 438 00:21:32,398 --> 00:21:34,444 I don't think they're monsters. 439 00:21:36,533 --> 00:21:39,057 I think some of them are here to do good. 440 00:21:45,106 --> 00:21:46,891 Nope! 441 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,984 Wow. 442 00:21:50,068 --> 00:21:51,420 Abigail Hodges. 443 00:21:51,504 --> 00:21:53,422 - Who would have thought? - Ha. 444 00:21:53,506 --> 00:21:56,294 Well, congratulations on solving the case. 445 00:21:56,378 --> 00:21:57,470 You must be happy. 446 00:21:57,554 --> 00:21:59,297 Yeah, well, you know, a man died. 447 00:21:59,381 --> 00:22:01,212 So there really isn't very much to be happy about. 448 00:22:01,296 --> 00:22:04,433 Of course. I just meant... 449 00:22:04,517 --> 00:22:06,957 Well, you did use up a lot of resources 450 00:22:07,041 --> 00:22:08,219 dragging the lake. 451 00:22:08,303 --> 00:22:10,004 Like, a tremendous amount actually 452 00:22:10,088 --> 00:22:12,876 that I'm still trying to justify to the town council. 453 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,575 Probably can't afford to have Patience Family Day 454 00:22:15,659 --> 00:22:16,880 this year on the town green. 455 00:22:16,964 --> 00:22:19,361 But hey, you got to the bottom it. 456 00:22:19,445 --> 00:22:21,711 - Uh-huh. - That's what's important. 457 00:22:21,795 --> 00:22:23,147 Yeah, that's right. That's what's important. 458 00:22:23,231 --> 00:22:26,194 Thank you. 459 00:22:26,278 --> 00:22:28,628 - Okay. - Yeah. 460 00:22:38,203 --> 00:22:41,818 Hello to you, Jay. What can I get for you? 461 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:44,514 We have a happy hour special on IPAs. 462 00:22:45,036 --> 00:22:48,608 Are you offering me a drink? I'm not even 18 yet. 463 00:22:48,692 --> 00:22:51,654 I meant to offer you a juice 464 00:22:51,738 --> 00:22:54,396 in an opaque mug. 465 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,137 Well, actually, I just came in to ask 466 00:22:56,221 --> 00:22:58,095 if I could interview you for the school paper. 467 00:22:58,179 --> 00:23:00,794 Everyone in town is talking about the rescue. 468 00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:05,755 I'm so sick of people making a big deal about this. 469 00:23:05,839 --> 00:23:07,931 You don't have to put me on a pedestal. 470 00:23:08,015 --> 00:23:09,498 It won't take long, 471 00:23:09,582 --> 00:23:11,152 and I'm only doing it for the extra credit. 472 00:23:11,236 --> 00:23:14,111 Oh, well, in that case. 473 00:23:16,154 --> 00:23:17,419 Thanks. 474 00:23:17,503 --> 00:23:20,204 It's only a few questions. 475 00:23:20,288 --> 00:23:21,379 Ask away. 476 00:23:21,463 --> 00:23:23,599 All right. 477 00:23:23,683 --> 00:23:26,686 So you were an Olympic skier. 478 00:23:27,818 --> 00:23:30,301 What was it like to wipe out 479 00:23:30,385 --> 00:23:32,303 and lose in front of the whole world? 480 00:23:35,086 --> 00:23:36,307 Not awesome. 481 00:23:36,391 --> 00:23:39,920 Would you consider yourself a fallen hero 482 00:23:40,004 --> 00:23:42,096 because you were a hero and then you fell? 483 00:23:42,180 --> 00:23:45,578 Hmm. Mmm. 484 00:23:45,662 --> 00:23:48,972 Um, I don't know. I thought this interview 485 00:23:49,056 --> 00:23:52,628 was supposed to be about the rescue thing. 486 00:23:52,712 --> 00:23:54,674 - I'm establishing background. - Cool. 487 00:23:54,758 --> 00:23:56,589 So what happened to your hand? 488 00:23:56,673 --> 00:23:57,764 Fractured it. 489 00:23:57,848 --> 00:24:00,680 First time I fell down the crevasse. 490 00:24:00,764 --> 00:24:02,029 You fell down a crevasse? 491 00:24:02,113 --> 00:24:05,467 Yeah. What did you think happened? 492 00:24:05,551 --> 00:24:06,903 I don't know. 493 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:09,253 I thought you were stuck on top of the mountain. 494 00:24:09,337 --> 00:24:11,299 You climbed out with your hand looking like that? 495 00:24:11,383 --> 00:24:13,736 Well, yeah. Kind of had to. 496 00:24:13,820 --> 00:24:15,651 I was 30 feet down. 497 00:24:15,735 --> 00:24:17,435 Asta and Harry were down even further. 498 00:24:17,519 --> 00:24:18,872 I knew any rescue effort would have to wait 499 00:24:18,956 --> 00:24:20,438 until the storm had passed, 500 00:24:20,522 --> 00:24:23,485 at which point, it would be too late 501 00:24:23,569 --> 00:24:26,053 as we would have all gone into hypothermia 502 00:24:26,137 --> 00:24:28,534 and be dead. 503 00:24:28,618 --> 00:24:29,967 Asta could have died? 504 00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:34,583 Yeah. She could have. 505 00:24:34,667 --> 00:24:38,369 I mean, we all could have died actually. 506 00:24:38,453 --> 00:24:39,632 We're pretty lucky. 507 00:24:42,370 --> 00:24:44,680 You know what, I, um, 508 00:24:44,764 --> 00:24:47,724 I think I'll take that juice in the opaque mug now. 509 00:24:49,813 --> 00:24:52,340 You bitch, I almost lost you. 510 00:24:53,991 --> 00:24:55,996 Ow... oh. 511 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,865 Oh, I'm okay. 512 00:25:00,127 --> 00:25:01,479 I just feel like... 513 00:25:01,563 --> 00:25:03,873 You should probably, like, buy me a drink or something 514 00:25:03,957 --> 00:25:07,744 'cause I'm like... uh, my nerves are like fried eggs. 515 00:25:08,745 --> 00:25:10,358 We're gonna do two sodas. 516 00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:12,360 One with vodka. 517 00:25:12,444 --> 00:25:13,796 When I woke up, 518 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,190 I had no idea where I was. 519 00:25:16,274 --> 00:25:18,845 I mean, one minute, I was in bed, 520 00:25:18,929 --> 00:25:21,674 and the next minute, I was lying in a ditch 521 00:25:21,758 --> 00:25:23,371 by the side of the road. 522 00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:25,591 And they put something in me. 523 00:25:25,675 --> 00:25:27,767 Look. 524 00:25:27,851 --> 00:25:31,292 I don't know why, but they're following me. 525 00:25:31,376 --> 00:25:33,468 They're listening. 526 00:25:33,552 --> 00:25:35,296 Look, you can see it. 527 00:25:39,123 --> 00:25:42,216 Alien technology. That's it. 528 00:25:49,916 --> 00:25:52,310 - Hey, honey. - Honey. 529 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,012 Why do I smell fish? 530 00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:58,055 Because I made branzino. 531 00:26:02,581 --> 00:26:04,496 Tonight's supposed to be taco night. 532 00:26:05,062 --> 00:26:06,762 Does that mean that tacos are moving to tomorrow night? 533 00:26:06,846 --> 00:26:08,416 Because that's... That's spaghetti. 534 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,027 Will you relax, just try to get out of your comfort zone? 535 00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:12,115 Yeah, but... 536 00:26:12,199 --> 00:26:13,726 Max is at the movies with Sahar. 537 00:26:13,810 --> 00:26:16,250 So I invited a friend over with her husband. 538 00:26:17,770 --> 00:26:20,123 I want you to meet them. You're gonna love them. 539 00:26:20,207 --> 00:26:21,385 Yep. 540 00:26:21,469 --> 00:26:23,123 Maybe we could do fish tacos. 541 00:26:25,909 --> 00:26:27,565 This is my husband, Ben. 542 00:26:27,649 --> 00:26:29,698 Ben, this is Sarah and Richard Houston. 543 00:26:29,782 --> 00:26:31,439 - Oh, come on. - We're friends. 544 00:26:31,523 --> 00:26:33,746 You can call him Dick. 545 00:26:33,830 --> 00:26:35,486 Well, we're having fish. 546 00:26:39,009 --> 00:26:41,754 I want to thank you all for coming and for sharing. 547 00:26:41,838 --> 00:26:42,929 Come down and visit me. 548 00:26:43,013 --> 00:26:44,844 We have a booth on the con floor. 549 00:26:44,928 --> 00:26:47,629 A lot of cool merchandise. Thank you. 550 00:26:51,499 --> 00:26:53,156 Excuse me. 551 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,984 - Wait. - Harry, where are you going? 552 00:26:58,855 --> 00:27:00,424 Alien Tracker, hold up. 553 00:27:00,508 --> 00:27:01,904 Alien Tracker! 554 00:27:01,988 --> 00:27:03,514 Can I get an autograph? 555 00:27:05,731 --> 00:27:06,822 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 556 00:27:06,906 --> 00:27:08,908 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 557 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,701 Yeah. You're welcome. 558 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:35,543 Sorry. It's my turn. 559 00:27:38,285 --> 00:27:39,812 Do you mind? 560 00:27:39,896 --> 00:27:42,379 I'm going to cut that alien technology out of your arm, 561 00:27:42,463 --> 00:27:43,859 and then I'm going to leave. 562 00:27:45,902 --> 00:27:49,647 - What the hell! - Quiet. 563 00:27:49,731 --> 00:27:51,693 Aah, it's not alien! It's a BB. 564 00:27:51,777 --> 00:27:52,955 What? 565 00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:54,304 A BB got lodged in my arm when I was a kid. 566 00:27:54,388 --> 00:27:56,480 - Okay, I lied. - What is wrong with you? 567 00:27:56,564 --> 00:27:58,178 You're the one with the knife, 568 00:27:58,262 --> 00:28:00,310 you freakin' psycho. 569 00:28:01,787 --> 00:28:03,009 Ugh! 570 00:28:05,486 --> 00:28:07,056 What the hell is going on? 571 00:28:07,140 --> 00:28:08,710 What are you looking for? 572 00:28:08,794 --> 00:28:10,103 And don't lie. 573 00:28:10,187 --> 00:28:11,841 I think I deserve at least that. 574 00:28:15,322 --> 00:28:18,024 When the Grays abduct a human, 575 00:28:18,108 --> 00:28:21,372 they leave alien technology implanted on their body. 576 00:28:22,373 --> 00:28:24,204 It is a transmitter. 577 00:28:24,288 --> 00:28:26,859 It is a way for them to track the victim. 578 00:28:26,943 --> 00:28:28,988 I need to find one. 579 00:28:29,989 --> 00:28:31,864 Is that why we're here? 580 00:28:31,948 --> 00:28:35,171 So you can rip an implant out of some poor person's arm? 581 00:28:35,255 --> 00:28:36,651 It's for my radio. 582 00:28:36,735 --> 00:28:40,350 The implant is made of an alien metal. 583 00:28:40,434 --> 00:28:41,871 I need it. 584 00:28:53,447 --> 00:28:55,931 The Alien Tracker is after me. 585 00:28:56,015 --> 00:28:59,021 - He can see me like Max. - I don't understand. 586 00:28:59,105 --> 00:29:00,631 The rest is self-explanatory. 587 00:29:00,715 --> 00:29:03,547 His name is Alien Tracker. 588 00:29:03,631 --> 00:29:07,029 - Maybe we should go then. - Yes. 589 00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:09,553 It was, like... 590 00:29:09,637 --> 00:29:10,946 I mean, he designed the whole thing himself, 591 00:29:11,030 --> 00:29:13,079 the whole thing. He made it all on his own. 592 00:29:13,163 --> 00:29:14,558 Oh, I'm so sad. 593 00:29:14,642 --> 00:29:15,908 I thought Max was gonna be here tonight. 594 00:29:15,992 --> 00:29:17,953 We're so looking forward to meeting him. 595 00:29:18,037 --> 00:29:19,563 Right, honey? 596 00:29:19,647 --> 00:29:21,914 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love kids. 597 00:29:21,998 --> 00:29:24,090 We want them, but the doctor said 598 00:29:24,174 --> 00:29:26,222 Sarah's probably too old. 599 00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:27,571 I'm sorry. 600 00:29:27,655 --> 00:29:30,139 I'm sure that it will happen for you two. 601 00:29:31,616 --> 00:29:33,882 Meanwhile, enjoy the freedom 'cause kids are a lot. 602 00:29:33,966 --> 00:29:35,449 Mmm. 603 00:29:35,533 --> 00:29:36,885 That's why it's so nice having some adult time. 604 00:29:36,969 --> 00:29:38,278 Right, honey? 605 00:29:38,362 --> 00:29:40,628 Mmm. Fun fact, more people died 606 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:43,196 choking on branzino bones per year than heart disease. 607 00:29:45,021 --> 00:29:47,327 Honey, could you help me with dessert? 608 00:29:50,765 --> 00:29:53,029 Sweetie, you haven't said two words all night. 609 00:29:54,508 --> 00:29:56,383 I'm pulling all of the weight here. 610 00:29:56,467 --> 00:29:57,950 Well, I'm sorry. 611 00:29:58,034 --> 00:30:00,343 I think not having tacos has kind of thrown me off my game. 612 00:30:00,427 --> 00:30:01,823 Look, I'm trying. 613 00:30:01,907 --> 00:30:03,912 You spent the last half hour playing medical examiner 614 00:30:03,996 --> 00:30:05,044 with your fish bones. 615 00:30:05,128 --> 00:30:06,349 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 616 00:30:06,433 --> 00:30:08,177 I swallowed most of them. 617 00:30:08,261 --> 00:30:09,657 Uh, it doesn't make me feel better. 618 00:30:09,741 --> 00:30:10,919 Okay. I feel terrible. 619 00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,010 I really like Sarah and Dick. 620 00:30:15,094 --> 00:30:17,621 And it's nice to have couple friends who we can 621 00:30:17,705 --> 00:30:20,624 have over for dinner. Can you try? 622 00:30:20,708 --> 00:30:23,801 Okay. Look, I'll be more sociable. 623 00:30:23,885 --> 00:30:26,892 I'll talk to Dick about candle making. 624 00:30:26,976 --> 00:30:29,285 Yeah, sure. 625 00:30:29,369 --> 00:30:32,506 Or something else. 626 00:30:32,590 --> 00:30:35,596 What, you don't... what, you don't like my candles? 627 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,424 No, I mean, of course. 628 00:30:37,508 --> 00:30:40,993 I... love them. 629 00:30:41,077 --> 00:30:42,820 It's just... 630 00:30:42,904 --> 00:30:45,559 It's not really exciting dinner conversation. 631 00:30:46,082 --> 00:30:47,390 Hmm. 632 00:30:47,474 --> 00:30:50,959 Not sure I want to live in that world, but okay. 633 00:30:51,043 --> 00:30:53,048 Just leave the baby talk to me, okay? 634 00:30:53,132 --> 00:30:54,354 I'm the mother-to-be. 635 00:30:54,438 --> 00:30:55,659 Well, that's not what the doctor said. 636 00:30:55,743 --> 00:30:57,923 Hey, listen, asshole, just do your job. 637 00:30:58,007 --> 00:30:59,228 Keep them engaged 638 00:30:59,312 --> 00:31:00,838 so I can go on a little reconnaissance mission. 639 00:31:00,922 --> 00:31:03,102 I did an Internet deep dive and found pictures of Ben 640 00:31:03,186 --> 00:31:05,931 making these shitty candles. Ask him about it. 641 00:31:06,015 --> 00:31:07,323 Hope everyone's in the mood for pie. 642 00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:09,412 - Oh. - Can't wait. 643 00:31:09,496 --> 00:31:11,110 May I use your powder room first? 644 00:31:11,194 --> 00:31:12,934 Of course. 645 00:31:14,893 --> 00:31:16,028 I have to say, 646 00:31:16,112 --> 00:31:18,334 these are really, really nice candles. 647 00:31:18,418 --> 00:31:20,510 What are they made of? Soy? 648 00:31:20,594 --> 00:31:22,034 Well, actually, there are... yeah, 649 00:31:22,118 --> 00:31:25,037 there are several different kinds of, um... 650 00:31:25,121 --> 00:31:26,513 Not sure. 651 00:31:27,297 --> 00:31:29,389 I don't know. 652 00:31:29,473 --> 00:31:31,953 Just a regular store-bought candle. 653 00:31:44,009 --> 00:31:46,188 Mmm. 654 00:31:46,272 --> 00:31:47,973 Okay, um, keep moving. 655 00:31:48,057 --> 00:31:50,624 I got this. 656 00:31:51,190 --> 00:31:54,109 Oh, my God. You're the Alien Tracker. 657 00:31:54,193 --> 00:31:57,808 I have listened to every episode of your podcast. 658 00:31:57,892 --> 00:32:00,811 I was wondering if maybe I could get a selfie with you? 659 00:32:00,895 --> 00:32:02,465 And this crazy dude came in 660 00:32:02,549 --> 00:32:05,813 and tried to stab me with a scalpel. 661 00:32:06,292 --> 00:32:09,385 Why are you just staring at me? Are you gonna help me? 662 00:32:09,469 --> 00:32:10,818 Can we just go look for him? 663 00:32:13,169 --> 00:32:14,782 I'm not crazy. 664 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:18,873 - Hmm, hmm, hmm. - Hey, can I help you? 665 00:32:18,957 --> 00:32:21,310 I need to hide. Can you leave? 666 00:32:21,394 --> 00:32:23,004 What are you hiding from? 667 00:32:24,658 --> 00:32:26,878 The Alien Tracker. He's chasing me. 668 00:32:30,577 --> 00:32:33,757 He thinks I'm an alien. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. 669 00:32:33,841 --> 00:32:37,500 Um... He's a crazy guy. 670 00:32:37,584 --> 00:32:40,848 Well, I have no problem hiding aliens. 671 00:32:41,980 --> 00:32:43,593 Wait a minute. 672 00:32:43,677 --> 00:32:46,248 You are that hair guy, 673 00:32:46,332 --> 00:32:48,555 the one who knows all about ancient monuments. 674 00:32:48,639 --> 00:32:51,511 Yeah, that's me. Would you like a signed copy? 675 00:32:53,557 --> 00:32:55,431 I would rather have 676 00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,691 flower-shaped fruit. 677 00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:57,493 Hey, what are you doing up here? 678 00:33:57,577 --> 00:33:59,582 I know. I'm such a snoop, right? 679 00:33:59,666 --> 00:34:01,367 I just love your decorating style. 680 00:34:01,451 --> 00:34:03,543 I had to see what the rest of the house looked like. 681 00:34:03,627 --> 00:34:06,154 You could have asked for a tour. 682 00:34:11,243 --> 00:34:14,641 I'll be honest with you. 683 00:34:14,725 --> 00:34:16,991 This whole 684 00:34:17,075 --> 00:34:19,820 "not being able to have kids" thing 685 00:34:19,904 --> 00:34:22,475 is really hard. 686 00:34:22,559 --> 00:34:24,781 And I just wanted to see your son's room. 687 00:34:24,865 --> 00:34:27,001 Oh. 688 00:34:27,085 --> 00:34:28,698 I'm sorry. 689 00:34:28,782 --> 00:34:30,222 Yeah. 690 00:34:30,306 --> 00:34:32,311 Just don't give up. 691 00:34:32,395 --> 00:34:34,139 Women are having babies older and older now. 692 00:34:34,223 --> 00:34:35,227 You just never know. 693 00:34:35,311 --> 00:34:37,881 I'm actually not the problem. 694 00:34:37,965 --> 00:34:40,797 Dick only said that because he's so self-conscious. 695 00:34:40,881 --> 00:34:44,149 But he has very low motility. 696 00:34:44,233 --> 00:34:46,107 Look, if you want to get a taste for it, 697 00:34:46,191 --> 00:34:47,935 you can babysit Max whenever you want. 698 00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:50,282 Oh, I would love that. 699 00:34:51,501 --> 00:34:53,416 I'll take such good care of him. 700 00:34:56,245 --> 00:34:58,206 What's interesting is that 701 00:34:58,290 --> 00:35:01,470 the masonry style of Delphi, Cuzco, 702 00:35:01,554 --> 00:35:05,170 or Sacsayhuamán are virtually identical, 703 00:35:05,254 --> 00:35:07,955 and they're considered "navels of the world" 704 00:35:08,039 --> 00:35:10,349 where deities descended from the sky 705 00:35:10,433 --> 00:35:13,656 and imparted knowledge to the local population. 706 00:35:13,740 --> 00:35:15,267 So those places 707 00:35:15,351 --> 00:35:17,747 are on two opposite ends of the planet, 708 00:35:17,831 --> 00:35:20,054 and they have the same stories. 709 00:35:20,138 --> 00:35:21,838 So you have to wonder 710 00:35:21,922 --> 00:35:24,145 if these people had been visited 711 00:35:24,229 --> 00:35:25,799 by the same beings. 712 00:35:25,883 --> 00:35:29,281 And if so, then you have to ask the question, 713 00:35:29,365 --> 00:35:32,281 "Who were they? And where did they come from?" 714 00:35:33,456 --> 00:35:36,897 - You should be on television. - Okay. 715 00:35:36,981 --> 00:35:40,205 - I have to go. - I hope I didn't bore you. 716 00:35:40,289 --> 00:35:41,902 No. 717 00:35:41,986 --> 00:35:43,991 You're out of fruit flowers. 718 00:35:44,075 --> 00:35:45,732 I left you the honeydew melon. 719 00:35:45,816 --> 00:35:48,213 They taste like old women's perfume. 720 00:36:02,441 --> 00:36:05,578 Kate doesn't love the whole candle thing? 721 00:36:05,662 --> 00:36:07,754 I accidentally spilled some wax on her head once. 722 00:36:07,838 --> 00:36:08,755 She lost some hair. 723 00:36:08,839 --> 00:36:10,017 - Yeah. - What are you gonna do? 724 00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:11,627 Yeah, I get it. You know, 725 00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:14,804 Sarah can get pretty particular about the things I do too. 726 00:36:14,888 --> 00:36:16,110 - Mm-hmm. - So yeah. 727 00:36:16,194 --> 00:36:17,851 Very passionate, very passionate ladies. 728 00:36:17,935 --> 00:36:19,461 Oh, that's... that's one word for it. 729 00:36:23,506 --> 00:36:26,251 Want to fire it up? Show you how it's done. 730 00:36:26,335 --> 00:36:28,427 - Yes, yes. - You sure? 731 00:36:28,511 --> 00:36:29,993 Please, yeah, yeah, oh. 732 00:36:30,077 --> 00:36:31,299 - Oh. - Oh! 733 00:36:31,383 --> 00:36:33,083 - Oh. - Okay. 734 00:36:39,304 --> 00:36:41,788 I just find it pretty relaxing. 735 00:36:41,872 --> 00:36:43,180 Yeah. 736 00:36:43,264 --> 00:36:47,446 Helps me cope with the pressures of being mayor, 737 00:36:47,530 --> 00:36:50,228 especially after the town doctor was murdered. 738 00:36:52,404 --> 00:36:53,974 That's horrible. 739 00:36:54,058 --> 00:36:56,106 Yeah, yeah. 740 00:36:56,190 --> 00:36:57,630 We did just make an arrest though. 741 00:36:57,714 --> 00:37:00,197 And it was the first murder in Patience 742 00:37:00,281 --> 00:37:02,852 since, like, the 1800s. 743 00:37:02,936 --> 00:37:06,291 I've always wanted to say, you know, 744 00:37:06,375 --> 00:37:09,119 "Not on my watch, buddy." 745 00:37:09,203 --> 00:37:11,948 But yeah, it was... 746 00:37:12,032 --> 00:37:13,385 It was on my watch. 747 00:37:16,559 --> 00:37:19,652 Think I might have been across the street when it happened. 748 00:37:22,042 --> 00:37:23,740 Uh... 749 00:37:25,263 --> 00:37:27,181 Do you like pumpkin spice? 750 00:37:32,096 --> 00:37:34,797 Mmm. That was close. 751 00:37:34,881 --> 00:37:36,321 It's like everybody is talking about me 752 00:37:36,405 --> 00:37:38,192 like I'm some big hero... 753 00:37:38,276 --> 00:37:40,542 ♪ Close to you 754 00:37:40,626 --> 00:37:43,153 Except for the two people whose lives I actually saved 755 00:37:43,237 --> 00:37:46,719 that incidentally are both completely ignoring me. 756 00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:50,160 ♪ Close to you 757 00:37:50,244 --> 00:37:52,380 You know, I should be hanging out with my friend right now. 758 00:37:52,464 --> 00:37:54,208 Bitch, I'm your friend. 759 00:37:54,292 --> 00:37:56,950 We're closer than you and Asta. 760 00:37:57,034 --> 00:37:59,082 We shared a boyfriend in high school. 761 00:37:59,166 --> 00:38:01,694 You mean the guy that you slept with behind my back? 762 00:38:01,778 --> 00:38:03,652 I grabbed his dick, and he was into it. 763 00:38:03,736 --> 00:38:05,611 So what am I supposed to do, say no? 764 00:38:05,695 --> 00:38:07,003 Oh, yeah. Fair point. 765 00:38:08,524 --> 00:38:11,486 It just, like, bothers me I can't get a hold of them. 766 00:38:11,570 --> 00:38:13,314 I've been texting all day. 767 00:38:13,398 --> 00:38:15,534 I don't know, maybe something happened to her. 768 00:38:15,618 --> 00:38:17,274 Maybe they're not okay. 769 00:38:17,358 --> 00:38:18,972 I don't know. It's kind of freaking me out. 770 00:38:19,056 --> 00:38:21,670 Yeah, probably something bad did happen to her. 771 00:38:21,754 --> 00:38:23,542 I don't know. She probably got kidnapped 772 00:38:23,626 --> 00:38:25,152 or something or, like, people are after her 773 00:38:25,236 --> 00:38:28,285 and, like, she's in the back of a car, like, in a trunk, 774 00:38:28,369 --> 00:38:30,549 like, screaming and, like, pounding 775 00:38:30,633 --> 00:38:32,725 and, like... Or she could be dead. 776 00:38:32,809 --> 00:38:34,727 She could be dead in a ditch somewhere, like, 777 00:38:34,811 --> 00:38:36,032 covered in blood 778 00:38:36,116 --> 00:38:39,471 and, like, intestines are, like, trailing out... 779 00:38:39,555 --> 00:38:41,081 Is this supposed to help me feel better? 780 00:38:41,165 --> 00:38:42,474 Okay. 781 00:38:42,558 --> 00:38:44,171 So we're gonna switch gears over to karaoke. 782 00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:47,783 First up, we have our own Liv Baker singing a song for us. 783 00:38:47,867 --> 00:38:51,483 Come on. 784 00:38:57,137 --> 00:39:02,363 ♪ Oh, whoa 785 00:39:02,447 --> 00:39:04,496 ♪ It must have been cold there ♪ 786 00:39:04,580 --> 00:39:07,408 ♪ In my shadow 787 00:39:10,281 --> 00:39:13,026 ♪ To never have sunlight 788 00:39:13,110 --> 00:39:15,852 ♪ On your face 789 00:39:18,463 --> 00:39:23,079 ♪ You were content to let me shine ♪ 790 00:39:23,163 --> 00:39:26,343 ♪ That's your way 791 00:39:26,427 --> 00:39:30,693 ♪ You always walked a step behind ♪ 792 00:39:33,609 --> 00:39:36,655 ♪ So I was the one with all the glory ♪ 793 00:39:38,178 --> 00:39:40,357 What the hell is happening? 794 00:39:40,441 --> 00:39:43,186 ♪ While you were the one 795 00:39:43,270 --> 00:39:46,578 ♪ With all the strength 796 00:39:49,102 --> 00:39:53,545 ♪ A beautiful face without a name ♪ 797 00:39:53,629 --> 00:39:55,587 ♪ For so long 798 00:39:56,893 --> 00:40:00,549 ♪ A beautiful smile that hides the pain ♪ 799 00:40:03,682 --> 00:40:05,382 ♪ Did you ever know 800 00:40:05,466 --> 00:40:09,079 ♪ That you're my hero 801 00:40:11,777 --> 00:40:15,825 ♪ And everything I would like to be? ♪ 802 00:40:19,393 --> 00:40:21,660 ♪ I can fly higher 803 00:40:21,744 --> 00:40:25,661 ♪ Than an eagle 804 00:40:27,271 --> 00:40:31,188 ♪ You are the wind beneath my wings ♪ 805 00:40:36,585 --> 00:40:38,111 Okay. 806 00:40:44,288 --> 00:40:46,989 Guess I'm deputy again. 807 00:40:57,954 --> 00:40:59,564 Oh, shit. 808 00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:04,224 I first learned the concept of two for one 809 00:41:04,308 --> 00:41:07,528 when there was a sale on day old baguettes at the market. 810 00:41:13,447 --> 00:41:15,844 But having this Alien Tracker in my grips 811 00:41:15,928 --> 00:41:18,238 and discovering he was implanted with the very chip 812 00:41:18,322 --> 00:41:20,893 I need is even more exciting 813 00:41:20,977 --> 00:41:23,675 than getting an extra two-foot-long crouton. 814 00:41:24,937 --> 00:41:26,202 Don't move. 815 00:41:26,286 --> 00:41:29,510 I'm taking that alien technology out of your neck. 816 00:41:29,594 --> 00:41:33,906 No, wait. Where is my baby? 817 00:41:33,990 --> 00:41:34,994 What baby? 818 00:41:35,078 --> 00:41:36,735 The one you took out of my wife 819 00:41:36,819 --> 00:41:38,650 30 years ago on the bus. 820 00:41:38,734 --> 00:41:41,261 We don't do that. That's the Greys. 821 00:41:41,345 --> 00:41:42,654 You're a Grey. 822 00:41:42,738 --> 00:41:45,744 - How dare you! - Please don't take it out. 823 00:41:45,828 --> 00:41:48,660 It's the only way they can find me if they come back. 824 00:41:48,744 --> 00:41:51,050 It's the only way I'll ever meet my son. 825 00:41:52,835 --> 00:41:54,619 They're not coming back for you. 826 00:41:55,620 --> 00:41:57,927 They already got what they wanted. 827 00:42:06,849 --> 00:42:08,244 I recognize you. 828 00:42:08,328 --> 00:42:10,333 You were in that Experiencer Panel. 829 00:42:10,417 --> 00:42:11,552 Mmm, yeah. 830 00:42:11,636 --> 00:42:13,293 I heard what you said up there. 831 00:42:13,377 --> 00:42:16,423 It was very touching. But you should be careful. 832 00:42:18,034 --> 00:42:19,734 - What do you mean? - For all you know, 833 00:42:19,818 --> 00:42:23,042 your alien is a Christopher Columbus of the sky. 834 00:43:13,393 --> 00:43:16,182 Let's go. I got what I needed. 835 00:43:16,266 --> 00:43:18,053 Well, that makes me nervous. 836 00:43:18,137 --> 00:43:20,052 Don't worry. I didn't hurt him. 837 00:43:21,184 --> 00:43:23,537 He was on his knees, thanking me. 838 00:43:23,621 --> 00:43:27,364 - You're a monster. - You're welcome. 839 00:43:30,193 --> 00:43:32,064 There are no monsters. 840 00:43:32,804 --> 00:43:35,764 Beings do what needs to be done in order to survive. 841 00:43:50,082 --> 00:43:51,434 Asta! 842 00:43:54,086 --> 00:43:56,178 ♪ No bye, no aloha 843 00:43:56,262 --> 00:43:58,703 Are you in there?! 844 00:44:00,571 --> 00:44:04,273 ♪ Gone with a rock promoter ♪ 845 00:44:10,407 --> 00:44:13,892 ♪ A rock promoter 846 00:44:13,976 --> 00:44:16,459 Aah! 847 00:44:16,543 --> 00:44:18,632 Ow, shit! 848 00:44:20,025 --> 00:44:22,201 ♪ And now may die 849 00:44:26,597 --> 00:44:31,297 ♪ Oh, the treats 850 00:44:35,562 --> 00:44:37,698 ♪ Saw it on the wall 851 00:44:37,782 --> 00:44:41,394 ♪ "Motherhood means mental freeze" ♪ 852 00:44:43,483 --> 00:44:45,268 ♪ Freezeheads 853 00:44:46,835 --> 00:44:49,489 ♪ No aloha 854 00:44:51,883 --> 00:44:55,411 ♪ I know, I saw 855 00:44:55,495 --> 00:44:57,671 ♪ And now may die